New Year's Resolutions for the Family

By Gloria Sanchez, Adams County Site Coordinator

As we step into 2018, many of us use this time as an opportunity to “start fresh” or on a “clean slate,” setting goals that we wish to accomplish in the new year.  Often times these New Year’s resolutions are set around better finances, health and weight management, personal accomplishments, and educational milestones.  However, rarely goals are set around bettering and strengthening relationships with family and friends.

So, how do we set new goals to make our relationships stronger in the New Year?

In a research study of 2,000 people conducted by Family & Children’s Services of Minnesota, participants shared their thoughts and views of what their family did well.  The researchers concluded that there were nine important factors to keeping a family strong.  Read over the following nine factors and see if any of them might be positive to implement in your own family this new year.

Families agreed that communication was key to staying connected. Ideas for this included setting aside a regular time to talk free of technology, leaving notes for each other, and designating a “safe zone” or space to resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner. 

Physical, emotional, and financial health were also seen as important.  Families reported staying physically healthy by exercising and staying active as a family, including things like bike rides, walking, and raking yards together.  The stayed emotionally healthy by expressing their feelings, being mindful, and forgiving each other.  Financial welfare was maintained by budgeting, planning, and talking about finances. 

Another important piece mentioned was spending time together. Families did this by preparing or eating meals together, reading to each other, or creating family time once a week.   

Spirituality was the fourth strongest factor for strong and cohesive families.  This was defined and understood in various ways including talking about and practicing beliefs, traditions, faith, charity, sacrifice, hope, and love. 

Having a strong support system, respecting each other, and having a sense of unity were also important factors for keeping a family strong.  Support was understood by these families as listening, understanding, asking questions, showing affection, giving hugs, cooperating, sharing responsibilities, being honest, saying “I love you”.  Respect was practiced by recognizing each family member’s strengths, believing in and accepting each other, showing appreciation, following rules, setting boundaries, and being patient, gentle and honest.  The sense of unity meant pulling together and rallying around each other, especially in times of need.

Celebrating cultural traditions that are unique to each family also creates strength.  Families build this strength by preserving their identity, sharing stories, teaching traditions, and passing on their cultural heritage. 

The final strength is having an extended sense of “family.”  For many, “family” went far beyond those living within their home, rather extending to include blood relatives, in-laws, close friends, and neighbors. As an extended family, they keep each other informed of important events, build circles of support, love, encouragement, and care, provide a space for members to seek and trust advice from others.

This study provides a great deal of great information about building and maintaining a strong family.  Which ones do you feel like you most connect with? Are there any that you already do well?  Which ones might be great to add to your family’s New Year’s goals for 2018?

For more information about this article, go to www.everyfamilymatters.org

#stronger_family_2018

Practice the Gratitude Attitude over the Holidays

By: Ellen O’Kelley, GRANDcares Site Coordinator, Big Island, Hawai’i

I have always loved this time of year.  Even in Hawaii you see and feel the signs of the Holiday season all around.  We may not have snow, but we do have beautifully lit homes, glistening oceans in every shade of blue you can imagine, stores filled to the brim with all the greatest toys and oh those tech gadgets.  Families (“ohana” in Hawai’ian) start to gather, the cooking and baking begins, children practice for their holiday pageants, the party invitations start coming, presents to mail, cards to send, perfect cookies for Santa and the list keeps growing.

For 0ver 15 years I would get bronchitis and laryngitis sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas lasting until January.  Any way you look at it the holidays can be stressful leading us to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, sometimes causing illness and depression.   A very special Doctor shared with me the concept of Attitude of Gratitude and I haven’t had bronchitis for 20 years.   Go figure.

Robert Emmons, PHD defines gratitude as “a sense of wonder, thoughtfulness and appreciation for life,” Recent research indicates that gratitude is good for the giver.  For some, gratitude is a way of life, for others it can be learned.  To boost gratitude focus on the positive, write your thoughts down in a gratitude journal and make a gratitude visit to those you care about.

The idea that gratitude can be healing is not new.  Dr. Whaley, Kaiser Psychiatrist, has found,” people who are more grateful exercise more, sleep better and have better immune function.  Practicing gratitude strengthens relationships, and protects against envy, materialism, depression and substance abuse.  Gratitude is also a source of resilience in the face of our daily stresses as well as a source of healing after personal tragedies.

This week I had the pleasure of meeting a very special Grandmother who despite very challenging circumstances embodied this concept.  I’m sure she didn’t realize it but I was reminded that an Attitude of Gratitude can be better than any medication you can try.  I think I will have a bronchitis free Christmas for at least another 20 years.

Opioids and Grandfamilies

Jana Carson, GRANDcares Site Coordinator, Larimer County

Cities across the United States have been greatly affected by what is being called the "opioid epidemic."  This national crisis many times ropes grandparents into the issue, as they become the primary caregiver for grandchildren whose parents have succumbed to these drugs. Grandparents then work to balance this new caregiving role while also struggling to watch their own child go through the ravages of an opioid addiction.  (Read this AARP article for more accounts about how opiods are affecting grandfamilies: https://www.aarp.org/health/drugs-supplements/info-2017/opiates-addiction-grandparents-raising-grandchildren.html)

If you are a grandparent raising a grandchild in Colorado as a result of opioid use, you may be interested in attending an upcoming meeting being hosted in Denver on December 28th from 11:30 am - 1:30 pm by the Colorado Department of Regulatory Agencies.  This meeting will discuss potential updates to the Policy for Prescribing and Dispensing Opioids and is designed to help the Colorado healthcare licensing boards understand more about the opinions, needs, and recommendations of Coloradans affected by opioid use.

There are three ways to provide your input:

1) You can attend the meeting in person at 1560 Broadway, Conference Room 110D, Denver, CO 80202 

2) You can register to participate in the online webinar by going to this link: https://register.gotowebinar.com/register/3171328372483777537

3) You can provide written comments before or after the meeting by sending them to holli.weaver@state.co.us

Click this link to view the full meeting announcement: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1abOhDzp_BlqrAuAG0waBtw5n-7p070Dr/view

If you or your family is somehow affected by opiod use, make your voice heard!

Added Note on 2/15/18: We later found this video where Senetor Baldwin recounts her own story about being raised by her grandparents as a result of opioids. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9zcxtnNaaY&feature=youtu.be

Prepare Ahead for Holiday Stress

By Christine Spencer, GRANDcares Site Facilitator, Maui County

There are so many beautiful things about the holidays, yet they can be so taxing. And our intensive efforts to make them enjoyable can overwhelm us.  It is not a surprise that this time of year can bring on depression for many people. 

With a huge emphasis on “family” this time of year, feelings of stress build up well until past the New Year.  But, regardless of the season, STRESS about your FAMILY is OK and normal.  Most people feel stressed out about their families, especially during the holiday season.  The best thing to do is to PREPARE AHEAD to prevent sinking into the sea of sadness or depression.  One simple thing to do, is to remind yourself that you are not alone in feeling this way.  Most people are sensitive about their families.  A recent Popular Science article stated, “There isn’t much hard data on this, but several experts told Popular Science that many or most people feel some degree of stress surrounding their families. And though some people stress about it more than others because of their personalities or family history, the stress itself is a “very normal” feeling, says Pamela Regan, a psychology professor at California State University in Los Angeles.”

All families bring their pasts, conflicts and baggage to the dinner table for the holidays.  However, grandfamilies have their own set of unique challenges. One of the greatest concerns, is the risk of the grandparent caregivers’ health to decline.  This could be compounded with already present health concerns for grandparents, who become parents again later in their lives.  Everybody knows that stress is terrible for our health.  We can spend weeks upon weeks in our minds dreading something until it happens.  I do this too.  Then I find myself swept off shore by the undercurrent into an ocean of emotions.  What if I just stayed on the shore in the first place? And dealt with these emotions a little better?  We really can improve our ability to manage difficult emotions such as anger, guilt, and depression.  It may just take a little practice and planning.  Plan ahead to find additional support for yourself this holiday season.  There are networks of community resources available for grandparents raising their grandchildren.  GRANDcares program on Maui and Big Island have upcoming workshops for this time of year, “Managing Holiday Stress for Grandparents Raising Their Grandchildren” on December 7^th at Maui College and on January 9^th at Makawao Library from 10 a.m. -11:30 a.m.  Check out our FB page GRANDCARES HAWAII for more information and to register for our upcoming workshops.  Or email grandcaresmaui@gmail.com. Workshops on Big Island will be held on December 8th from 4:30-6:00 p.m. at a Kona Church and on December 9th from 10:00-11:30 a.m. at Ulu Wini Housing Complex.  For more information or to register call 808-987-1252.

GRANDcares program and classes are based on the Powerful Tools for Caregivers™ program, which has reached over 70,000 family caregivers in 34 states and has proven to have a positive impact.  This holiday season, forget about wrapping yourself up in depression, get out there and find the tools you need for managing stress and difficult emotions. 

The best gift of all, can be the gift to give more to yourself.   

Wishing you a stress-free holiday season!

Citation:

Ossoloa, Alexandra. Why Are Holidays With Your Family So Stressful? November 25, 2015

https://www.popsci.com/why-are-families-particularly-stressful-during-holidays

We Are Thankful!

By Jana Carson, GRANDcares Site Coordinator, Larimer County

As Thanksgiving approaches, we at the GRANDcares Project have a lot to be thankful for!  Many great things have been happening recently that we are excited to share with you!  Looking ahead, there are also many things to be grateful about as well.

Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies Classes

Two different cohorts, one in Larimer County and the other in Adams County, have wrapped up the last of their Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies sessions. These groups were fantastic! We really enjoyed getting to know each of the grandparents, helping them learn more self-care techniques, and connecting them to a variety of community resources!  We are especially thankful for Gail Engle, one of the Larimer County class co-leaders who is also a grandparent raising a grandchild! 

Recognized in the News!

Speaking of Gail Engel, she recently won the 7Everyday Hero award from Denver7 News for her work with Grand Family Coalition! Click here to view the video. She also won a Community Service Award from Group Publishing!  See her picture on their website here. Gail’s non-profit works to help grandparents in Northern Colorado connect with each other through support groups and grandfamily-friendly events.  She now has a support group for Spanish speakers as well. Gail also works to connect grandfamilies with resources in the community.  Her experience (both personally and professionally) with the system makes Grand Family Coalition an invaluable resource for grandfamilies.  For more information, visit the website at https://grandfamilycoalition.com/.

Gail was also recently featured in a Family Leaderships Training Institute (FLTI) of Colorado article (Click here to read the article) for her work with Larimer County Alliance for Grandparents (LCAG).  Dr. Christine Fruhauf, one of the Principal Investigators for the GRANDcares Project’s research was also featured in the article.

Upcoming Classes Planned

Larimer County has an upcoming Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies evening class planned for the Spring.  It will be held on Wednesdays, January 24^th – March 7^th from 5:00 – 7:00pm at Mountain View Presbyterian Church in Loveland. Dinner will be provided from 4:30 – 5:00pm, and childcare will be available while grandparents are in class.  To register, call Jana Carson at 970-491-8204 or email at jana.carson@colostate.edu.

Additionally, the Maui County site will be hosting a Managing Holiday Stress for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren workshop on December 7 from 10:00 - 11:00 am at Maui College and they are planning another mini-workshop on stress management for grandparents early next year in upcountry Makawao. You can register by emailing Christine Spencer at grandcaresmaui@gmail.com. 

We hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!