Reducing Stress of the Holidays

                                            By Sue Schneider, Larimer County Extension

If the holiday season is a time of rest and relaxation for you, read no further. For most of us, however, this season brings a fair amount of stress. What’s meant to be a time of connection and restoration can turn into never-ending to-do-lists, travel hassles, and familial tensions. We might experience the stress of loss, grief, and sadness for loved ones not with us. Without our normal routines to fall back upon, there may be little to buffer these complex “seasonal” experiences.

Of course, not all stress is bad. What generates discomfort over the holidays also brings new perspective and attention to our relationships and lives. In fact, there is a word for moderate stress that can actually be beneficial – eustress. But when our giving vs. receiving and doing vs. being balance gets thrown off, eustress can turn to distress.

How often do we really examine our holiday season needs? How well do we cultivate self-care and self-compassion while we move through the season?

If your answers to these questions are “not often and very little” perhaps consider investing some time in these five steps:

1. Get clear on what you want and need out of the holiday season. Sometimes we don’t clearly see where our needs fit into the holiday plans we make. Think hard about what you want to prioritize this year and how you would like to feel at the end of the season.

2. Consider what “doing enough” means to you. We tend to overspend, overindulge, and over-do most everything during the holidays. Consider what could be different this year and what you can let go of. 

3. Practice gratitude. Can you make a regular habit of noticing and acknowledging what is going right instead of what is going wrong? Perhaps each night you can scan your day for three good things that happened. Consistently practicing gratitude allows us to pay attention to and appreciate the ordinary, mundane specialness of our lives.

4. Create breathing space. When we race around or spend intense periods with family members, we inevitably need some breathing room. Give yourself permission to create that space. You can take short walks, listen to music, and even hide out in the bathroom to just take a few breaths.

5.  Acknowledge and befriend what you are feeling. Whatever set of emotions come upon you, it can be helpful to name the feelings, observe how you feel, and bring some self-compassion to the moment. This does not mean wallowing in your emotions but rather creating space by acknowledging and befriending what’s actually going on.

Here are some videos on mindful self-care that might help you attend to your needs:

Mindful self care: Part 1

Mindful self care Part 2: The Mindful STOP

Mindful self care Part 3: Leaning into distress

Mindful self care Part 4: Befriending negative thoughts

Mindful self care Part 5: Prioritizing self care

So for this holiday season, see if you can lower the stress by taking better care of yourself. This may require reprioritizing, doing less, counting your blessings, taking breathing space, and befriending what you encounter. You might find you have more to give once you’ve taken care of yourself. Happy holidays!

Deb and Rhonda

By Jana Carson, GRANDcares Site Coordinator

Grandchildren can bring joy and wonder to a grandparent’s life.  Yet, grandparents who are raising their grandchildren are likely to experience a variety of hardships as they take care of the many needs of their grandchildren while also attending to their personal needs.  In an effort to help grandparents better attend to their self-care, the GRANDcares Project offers a six-week class called Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies.  After concluding a recent class in Colorado, two participants shared what it is like raising grandchildren, their reasons for participating in the class, and aspects of the program that they found especially meaningful.

Deb Kilde

Deb Kilde raises her four grandchildren who range in age from ten to 13.  She finds the experience to be very rewarding in that she has been able to better appreciate small moments such her grandchildren running into her room early in the morning on Thanksgiving to say, “Happy Thanksgiving!”  She might have taken moments like this for granted when raising her own children.  Yet, there have been difficulties as well.  Deb works hard to ensure that her grandchildren do well in school, and she spends a great deal of time helping them with homework and talking with teachers at their schools.  Additionally, she works to provide for her grandchildren financially. Deb’s busy days working and caring for the many needs of her grandchildren have caused Deb to put her own needs aside. Many of the things she needed to do for herself were moved to the bottom of her priority list, and she felt drained.

Deb joined the Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies class as a way to engage in self-care while surrounding herself with open, understanding, and supportive people. Throughout the class, Deb gained a new perspective on the importance of caring for herself, and she felt that she was being pointed in a positive direction. She now sees the importance of self-care and feels empowered to take control of her life to do things to help her feel better. While she continues to be just as busy as before, she finds ways to carve out small moments for herself throughout the day while doing one big thing for herself each week.  This results in peace of mind that was lacking in her life before. Deb appreciated this class, and she states that it is “worth taking.”

Rhonda Sharp

Rhonda Sharp is a great aunt caring for three children ages seven, eight, and ten.  She was elated when she was finally able to adopt all three children. However, this role has come with many harsh realities and difficulties for which she was not prepared. She found it difficult to meet with clients for her job or spend time with friends her age, as she many times needed to bring along the children.  Finding a babysitter was also extremely difficult as her children had specific needs due to past trauma that required someone well-trained.  As finances became tighter, a well-trained babysitter became unaffordable, and as a result, Rhonda began to feel hopeless, stressed, and stuck in a place of negativity.

Rhonda participated in the Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies class as a way to improve her quality of life and gain some new tools for this purpose.  She learned that it was okay to feel what she was feeling and that others are also struggling with similar issues. This helped her to feel understood and accepted while gaining supportive friendships with others in the class. She learned tools for overcoming stress and taking care of herself such as positive self-talk, breathing, laughing, exercising, and making a plan to de-stress and find joy.  She explained that after the class ended, she replaced the two-hour block for the class each week with “Take Care of Me” time.  She also saw how the self-care tools she learned in the class could benefit her children, and she has worked to incorporate them into new family habits.  Although Rhonda says that she still wakes up some days feeling as if her plate is overflowing, she has a different mindset now.  She is empowered with the knowledge, tools, resources, and social support needed to not only continue through the difficulties but to also find the joys and positives in her life.  Rhonda was so inspired by this class that she wants to share the information with others in her situation.  She will soon be trained to help teach future Powerful Tools for Caregivers – Grandfamilies classes.