Kinship Caregivers as Leaders

Jana Carson, GRANDcares Site Coordinator

            In January 2017, seven people attended the GRANDcares Powerful Tools for Caregivers (PTC) Co-Leader Training in Loveland.  For two full days, participants learned how to teach the PTC – Grandfamilies curriculum. Among the seven people at the training were two very special participants: Gail Engel and Rhonda Sharp.  Gail and Rhonda are both kinship caregivers. Gail cares for her grandson and Rhonda cares for her nephews.  Both had already taken the PTC – Grandfamilies class as participants, and inspired by the class, they decided to train as facilitators to be able to teach others in similar situations. Gail and Rhonda have completed the leadership training, and now Rhonda is signed up to co-lead our next PTC – Grandfamilies class starting March 30^th.  Gail is in line to teach a future class in the fall as well.  We were so inspired by these two women that we decided to interview them about their experiences with PTC and their desire to move forward as leaders. 

Jana: Why did you decide to get trained as a PTC  – Grandfamilies co-leader?

Gail: I am so passionate about what PTC taught me.  From the very beginning, when I first learned about PTC, I thought it was something that grandparents needed.  In my job, I work with these families, and I have the experience.  I know their stories, and I could see how families could benefit from the class.

Rhonda:  I wanted to share what I learned in the class and to help other people see that they’re not alone. The class helped me a lot, and I wanted to pass it forward.

Jana: What did you learn by getting trained as a facilitator for PTC that you might not have learned as a participant?

Gail: Anytime you put your foot in the other shoe, you see a different side of something.  When I was in the class, I only took things out of the class that pertained to me, but as a leader, you realize that while it might not pertain exactly to me, it could pertain to other people. 

Rhonda: People are coming from so many different backgrounds that you have to be understanding and open.  When you’re taking the class it’s about you, but when you teach it, it’s about the people in your class.

Jana: What are your thoughts about PTC alumna getting trained in PTC and then helping to lead these classes for other grandparents?

Gail: It’s a really great thing because they understand the situation of the grandparents in the class.  One of the biggest issues grandparents face is outside people not understanding their situation.  Until you’ve walked in those shoes, you really don’t get it.  Having a grandparent leading the class helps you know that somebody else gets it.

Rhonda: I can see it being really hard in many cases for grandparents to put one more thing on their plate, but this is also really important.  Grandparents in the class can trust that the things I’m teaching work because I am there applying them to my life too.  We are the ones in the trenches, so we understand what it’s like better than anybody else.  We have practical experience with the tools and skills the class teaches, and we know what it’s really like.  When I talk about stuff, I’m actually living it too!

Jana: What do you hope that other grandparents raising grandchildren will take away from the class?

Gail: Stop blaming yourself and thinking that you’re the only one who has made these mistakes and who experiences these things.  When something goes wrong, we stick our heads in the sand and think that we have to live with it, but really I didn’t screw up, someone else did. I also hope grandparents learn that they aren’t alone and that they make friendships that they take outside the class.

Rhonda: You need support, and you’re not in this alone.  So often you feel isolated and that we don’t have anyone to support us.  We feel like we can’t really talk about it with other people because they won’t get it or they’re judging us.  But there are groups available where you can find other people who understand and who you can laugh with about your overwhelming situation.  Also, a lot of grandparents feel guilty because they feel overwhelmed and burdened---and you think you’re not supposed to feel that way about someone you love.  You can get sucked in this role of being the martyr, but rather think, “Maybe I can do this.”

Jana: What has changed for you since taking the PTC class?

Gail: Taking a nap! I gave myself permission to say to my grandson that he can play on his tablet and that I’m going to take a nap.  I gave myself permission to say it’s okay and that I don’t have to beat myself up about it.  I’m a better person because I’ve allowed myself to have my own quality time and because I’m doing something for myself.  This is Me Time, and I’m going to enjoy it.  This then gives more meaning to the other things I do. 

Rhonda: The goal I made in the class was to get my passion and joy of life back. I’m not fully there yet, but I’ve put things in motion. I used the tools from the class to get resources and get support, and I’ve got more hope that I’ll get there.  Finding a supportive community has also helped a lot.

We really appreciate Rhonda and Gail talking with us about their experiences with the PTC – Grandfamilies class, both as participants and leaders.  They are invaluable members of our team, and we appreciate their courage to lead this class and their commitment to their fellow kinship caregivers. You are in inspiration to us all!

If after reading this, you are thinking that you might be interested in leading or participating in an upcoming PTC – Grandfamilies class, please feel free to contact me (Jana Carson) by phone at 970-491-8204 or by email at Jana.Carson@colostate.edu.